Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
