I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
