I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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