he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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