i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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