She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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