Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
