that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
