remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Sober January is a disaster.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
