none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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