Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize