had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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