if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
