i wish my penis had a tongue
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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