my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
