i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The air taste purple.
Randomize
