I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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