theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
