I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
her vagine was all disorganized.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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