stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
