You work out of a Hotel?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
