he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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