i was born a porn star she said
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
