I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
