i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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