Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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