my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
