Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
