More tranny stories later!
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
