On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize