He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
