My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
