she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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