Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
