my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
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