Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
