I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
