he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
