Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize