community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
