Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
