I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
