Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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