I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
