if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
