nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
