My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
