Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
