Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
