my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
