I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
And then he peed in my hair
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