dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
