guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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