Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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