He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
