when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
