I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
