Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
His nipple licking is glorious
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