Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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