Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
