Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
