He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
