So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
