I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
