She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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