I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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