Dual....:-)
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
