Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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