I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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