Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
