YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
